I tried to wait,
But new flowers grow where the old ones die,
I didn’t want to move on,
But the sun involuntarily started to shine,
I lost myself searching for you,
But the fire eventually went out,
The dark smoke turned into wind,
I no longer needed to dwell on my feelings within,
New flowers grow where the old ones die,
Even if the soil needs to cry
Something beautiful can still arise

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Too many nights, too many times

I've woke in sweat and had to find

a way to push you out again,

and pray once more that this will end.

That from my heart you'll finally leave

and not come back into my dreams.

For I am old enough to know

the years have made our love run cold.

And I am wise enough to see…

I only love your memory.

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Each time before when I had fallen, landing in the pit below,

I found upon the ground were words that I could gather up to build

a latticework of scaffolding to climb upon so I could go

back to the surface with the crowd, but every time I found that still

I’d stay close to the ledge not knowing why I didn’t walk away.

I told myself it wasn’t wise. I asked, “why don’t you ever l...

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You pulled me into your orbit

when I needed your help

and so, I made you my centre 

to centre myself

That was my first mistake

I looked inside you

for places where I could hide

I hoped to run from reality

into the delusions of your mind

I was happy to believe you were one of a kind

chuffed upon chuffed that you were mine

and I felt adored

grateful to m...

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I design my flow of life in my own way
Never built regrets;
Only keep on building memories!!!

Made my way through hard rocks enduring all the pain;
But still enjoy my tracks!!!

'Ll seem quite and beautiful,
'Ll reflect what you desire;
Don't dare to test my threshold,
Or else 'Ll sweep out all d darkness around!!!

You help me carve and pave new path
Helped me see the world in diffe...

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It’s hidden well, but I search deep within the crevices of your mind.
I interpret your words and actions to depict intention and longing, want and need.
They’re masked behind masculinity; hidden within the social construct that disallows you to be free....to feel.
That which praises to the appeal of lust; turns love to dust.
Strong enough to break a woman’s heart, but no strength to trust us.

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His words could become sharp as corners

And trap you there

Flailing in his grasp

They could pinch your skin

Until you cried

And cried

Throughout your shifts

They could catch your wrists and stop you

From moving on

From moving

They could lock the doors, no leaving

They could shame you and shrink you

They could come flying in from an open window,

A buzzing phon...

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SMASH!

Every time the glass of your skull

Crashes into the fist of another memory

To crush you where you stand

Because another memory has broken you

Because another memory has entered you

Like intruders, they force their way inside

They punch their way into your attention

They invade your heart

Until you must look at them

All so that they can violate you again

They...

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tears fall from the tips of leaves, 
no longer heaving but finally at peace, 
no longer a place for relief, 
no longer bending to the constant breeze, 
no longer kept afloat meandering rivers, 
no longer subject to raging fires, 
no longer a victim to defeat. 

tides no longer pulling at the heart, 
stars no longer hovering above, 
no longer tormented to be part of the world 
that casts...

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I’ve got callouses
I’m covered in scars
I’m broken inside
So loving me is hard

You kissed my fingers
My heart pounded so hard
You bathed me in love
And now i can’t get up my guard

It just seems so easy for you
Even after all we’ve been through
You told me you didn’t want to lose me
So how are you being so cold
You washed away the armour that i hold
I wish that this hurt you like i...

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He says, “you’ve been a great lover,

opened up doors for me, 

been there when I needed you

but I’m going to leave you, woman

for I know you could do better than me”

He picks up his suitcase, 

then he’s running out the door

And that’s the way it is

that’s the way it’ll always be

lovers in and out the revolving door

She says, “I’m going to leave this town

s...

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What is next? I ask God

Tell me please because I feel so lost

Losing control of all that is around

What is next? I ask God

Then a small voice howls in the wind saying, "Worry about now!"

Smile, Breathe, Relax

Don't worry about the future nor the past

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One by one counting memories:
an old photograph of us at the beach,
a sweater that won’t rid itself of your scent,
books and CDs that you lent,
I’ve packed them away
They won’t see another day

I’ve packed the boxes, 
made the plans,
the rooms are empty
but I am motionless

Is it that familiar look?
Is it the morning glow
that paints itself through the window?
No, it’s the memories ...

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We circle as sharks
on the Hyde Park winter rink
our eyes like lasers
I audibly bleep when they meet

We both go forwards
not getting anywhere
we pass with differing intervals
I only breathe when we pass

Some laps are flawless
some laps are clumsy
some laps I nearly take some sucker down
some laps I kiss the ice

I feel your eyes lift me to my feet
I feel them brush the slush from...

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Been living with trouble in mind
trouble of mind, troubling life
with trouble pulled inside

Spent a decade in the shade
spent a decade dealing in shame
a decade; feeling a certain kind of hate

Crawled out into the light
staggered through that blinding light
still I busied myself 
with needless slivers of selfish night

Do you want to start again
do you want to make that change
wel...

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They were the deciding factor

Of a good or bad day

Of whether I was okay

If we were okay

They could change my mood

Stop me in my tracks

Jumble my mind

Blind me from the truth

Like heroin

I was their addict

Ephemeral pleasure

Everlasting poison

By the end

I was weak

Lost

Stripped of all identity

And they appeared

In my dreams

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Do you remember how we used to savour the pins and needles on our tongues?

Do you remember how we used to bite into bitterness?

lick the spit of life

I was turned on by brokenness

maybe it’s cliche

that I craved pain

swallowing broken bottles

it's lined my pockets

it's swollen my stomach

Do you remember when we saw ‘sad’ as just another crayon

to colour ourselves in w...

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It shattered across the floor

I knew this was coming, it was no surprise

I couldn’t take it anymore

Oh, the fire in his eyes

His hand against my neck

His breath against my cheek

I pulled away hoping not to wreck

Yet his presence felt so meek

The way he talked to me

The way he spat on the ground

The way he grabbed my knee;

It had me all turned around

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the day i faked saying i love you was the day i put myself above you. the day i realized i didn't want you anymore was the day i finally was able to kick you out and bolt lock that door. i don't know what exactly lead me to this point of closure, i think maybe i had just regained my confidence and composure. by you, i was left alone.. your whereabouts most nights were unknown, and you made sure to...

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You told me I was worthy of more, but always convinced me to stay

But today

Today I leave our bedroom the way it was left this morning 

Cushions and pillows adorning the bed 

we chose for this life together 

A shared bathroom that won't be shared anymore 

Two shelves, one mostly empty 

A walk in wardrobe, filled once with fabric that clothed us

Only now it is bare with...

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Circling the water
one final evening
I catch sight of my reflection
see those lines forming
writ across my brow
so I roll my head in ink
kiss the page…

Soon, we’ll be quietly leaving
no longer anchored in Zone Two
swaddled by the Thames
for an unknown pause we’re going now
The shapeless mess of time approaches
with me, desperately
clawing at relief lines
to understand what gradient
...

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Tyre tracks on dirt roads
storm chasers
looking for the eye
or something on the other side

Peddle kisses the floor
world whips past the window
tearing up the old road
headed North, searching for more

We were happy here
(eventually)
but could there be greater happiness
elsewhere
storm is a chorus
always another verse 
on the other side…

In some mad way
we’re headed for a great...

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Delicate Love

            Moving day; a time of excitement, worry and letting go. My baby girl has finished college, married the man of her dreams and is beginning a new chapter in her life.  The van left an hour ago and on a whim I went to the attic to make sure she had everything. I glanced around and tucked in the corner the words “china” in girlish writing popped out at me.

        ...

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Moving On

staring through the window
at that dark and dismal place
where shadows danced and jittered
and a stranger had my face
I was shocked, but not surprised, to find
my future hopes would never last
if I stayed gazing in the mirror
and obsessing with the past

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Tunnelling in the dirt below my feet
I've been digging here all week
carving this hollow so deep
today, I hit bone

This is heavier work than I imagined
surveyed the ground from beyond the fence
And we both agreed that this was right
but now the toil is breaking me apart

As a new day rises
I'm bawling in the shower
never knew I could feel this pain
with the taps turned up to ten
nev...

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.


Gotta keep on moving,
keep on travelling...
keep one foot ahead of the other
like a race that has no winner.

Then I shall outrun my tears and leave all my fears

the wind before me, then behind me.
Ridding me of moistness, passed my ears.
Gotta get going, to keep from falling....
keep this foot in front, then the next.
 

.

Read more …

So then, stick by stick
tonight we tear off strip after strip
the newest feathers first
then the older twigs and vines
with each one
my heart drops
until there's nothing left
and nowhere lower
just empty branches
where our sweet home once was

Inch by inch
we pack and divide the moss
all the soft things we've collected
years of careful, loving selection
pecking them away, each and e...

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